When I had just finished acting school, I moved out of home for the first time and lived with a classmate who also happened to be vegetarian. It appealed to me, especially after a life time of eating chops and boiled vegetables, so I became one. As the years went by and I became more informed about how we get our meat and dairy I started to consider veganism. If slaughterhouses weren’t bad enough, the absolute misery of dairy farms and the cruelty involved is heart wrenching. I’m not going to go into it here as it has been well documented but I will say that the torture a cow feels when their male baby is taken away from them right after birth to become veal is shockingly heartbreaking, it fills my heart with anguish. The primary reason I am plant based is because of my love for animals, they are beautiful sentient beings who deserve to live their lives without fear, abuse, torture and death. There is no such thing as a humane death. A bolt to the head is a bolt to the head. Now though, my health is also a primary concern when it comes to being plant based. I have read extensively about plant based health and nutrition, done several courses and am thoroughly fascinated by the plant based world. Check out Dr Fuhrman, Dr Esselstyn, Dr Barnard, T Colin Campbell, Dr McDougalland Dr Gregor(for starters) I guess I am a plant based nerd who eats crappy vegan food more than she should. Why am I writing about this? Maybe because I believe in order to heal ourselves and our planet and to truly be compassionate people we need to stop eating animals. Simple as that. Would Covid -19 be around if people weren’t eating animals? I don’t know, I’m not a scientist or even remotely qualified person but I hesitate to guess that it probably wouldn’t. Would our hospitals be filled with people with heart disease, cancer and diabetes etc… probably not so much. I get that people like to eat animals and a lot of people think it is our right and biological necessity but it isn’t. Honestly even if it was, I wouldn’t. Let’s try and lessen the suffering in the world, including for animals. Try a vegan burger, they are quite delicious. Peace
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Adele has lost weight. A lot of weight. She is also an established, successful recording artist. She has numerous awards including Grammy’s, Brit awards, Golden Globe, Billboard Music awards… She has released 3 albums and more. She is a formidable talent, a strong mother, forging a career in a brutal industry that places enormous pressure on artists, especially women to look and certain way, to be desirable, half naked and thin. Adele has successfully bucked all of this and is the epitome of class, style, elegance, integrity and she has a wicked sense of humour. She has also for most of her career been what society considers, overweight. So the weight loss. She looks wonderful but then again she always has. I say good for her if it was important to her to improve her health and to change the shape of her body. I hope it has nothing to do with a bunch of keyboard warriors relentlessly condemning her for being larger than what they think she should be (hypocritically regardless of how they themselves may look) What is so typical and boring is how excited media/social media gets when a woman loses weight. It is as if the weight loss is their biggest accomplishment. Now come on. Adele is phenomenal, size 14 or size 8. Who gives a fuck. Celebrate how much of a strong, talented, smart woman she is. Can we once and for all stop commenting on women’s bodies. Can we please get past it? There is not a woman on earth who avoids this. I vividly remember boys and men commenting on my appearance throughout my life, letting me know what was good and bad about it. Yawn. There are currently protests going on in Australia against the Covid lockdowns and footage emerged of a woman who had her young son with her, being arrested. The footage is harrowing; the boy is clearly traumatised. I absolutely believe she has the right to peacefully protest, which is what she was doing. She also probably shouldn’t have had her son with her and probably shouldn’t be protesting while Covid is kicking our arses. However whilst reading some comments about it on social media, some people were commenting on her appearance, criticising her for having Botox. What the fuck does her face have to do with anything, who cares if she has Botox, how does anyone know she has Botox, fillers or a face lift and why is it worth mentioning. Grow up. This is yet another example of what women face everyday of their lives. We are not allowed to simply exist. We are constantly told how we must look and behave. I tell you if she was older and has jowls she would have been criticised for that. We are never enough. I am so tired of it; I look at my amazing daughter and just think we must do better. I want her to know she is perfect the way she is, everyday and forever. But what a battlefield she will face as she grows up and navigates the world. I only hope I can help to make it a little easier for her. And while we are at it, don’t shame yourself if you put on a kilo or two or three throughout isolation. It is ok, you are ok, you are perfect. No more fat jokes. No more fat shaming. Peace I have had the stink of being super judgy lately. I acknowledge my shittyness by saying, I know this is being very judgy but….before I say the super judgy thing I’m gonna say. It is just plain shitty. What is even shittier is when you hide you judgyness behind ‘being concerned’ for the person and who their behaviour is hurting. Don’t get me wrong, I am genuinely concerned for my friend and those concerned but I am not being a good friend behaving the way I am. My god, real concern would be sitting down with said friend and expressing my deep concern for their mental health and safety based on the behaviours they are doing, even knowing they are going to arc up... not sitting down with a different friend discussing those behaviours. It is gross and not coming from a place of love, even if I tell myself it is. When I’m not judging other people from my fucking glass castle in the sky, I am firmly and repetitively judging myself. Ruminating over decisions and actions I have taken in my life and scolding myself more severely than anyone else ever could. Punishing myself by reliving these actions. My therapist tells me over and over that I am way too unkind to myself. But I don’t hear it, not really. I mean I know I am, but seriously I have done some stupid fucking shit... mania or not. I am trying to learn to not ruminate so much, to not think forward too much. To be present… but my brain isn’t having it. I won’t give up though. I’ll do the work and oneday maybe I will settle into glimpses of peace. As for my friend to whom I am, Ms Judgy McJudgy… I will have a conversation. I will stop the judgy chatter because it isn’t in line with who I want to be. If you are chattering away behind a friends back, quit it, stop it, It is too ugly and boring. Be better. See that, I just judged you. I am quite skilled aren’t I… Seriously, if you love them and value them, talk to them. If you don’t then remove yourself from their lives. They deserve better too. Peace Have you experienced ageism? Have you missed opportunities, jobs and experiences because society thought you were too old? Over the past 5 months I have been looking for ways to bring in some extra money to support my family. I have sent out many job applications, resumes and enquiries all for casual, low skill easy jobs that I could do and have done in the past with no issue. In fact I have been in more senior roles than the roles I have applied for but that was all good with me. Yet, from all the applications I sent, I had no response. Now it may well be that my resume sucks or my cover letters are poorly written but I don’t think that is the case. I have previously never had a problem securing employment, rarely have I been unemployed apart from when I chose to so I could raise my children but now as I head towards 50, no one wants to know. Re-entering the workforce it seems it almost impossible. I spoke to a dear friend about this yesterday and she told me how she was recently passed over for a role, a role that went to a much younger, less experienced woman. Another friend who has a background as a highly experienced editor sent her CV to a bunch of bookshops with no response. There is a pattern. At what point do we become too old to be considered desirable employees, past 30? Younger than that? At what point do our years of experience, our maturity and strong work ethic no longer qualify us for employment. Does having children makes us less desirable? I certainly think so. Is it easier to hire a 20 year old with no kids, no commitments and little experience over a woman who has years of experience but also children she is responsible for? Especially as single parents, all of the women I mentioned are single parents, having to start over to make ends meet and to provide for their family. Often the partners they are no longer with provide little or no child support and in several cases are perpetrators of domestic violence. Yet when these women reach out to employers and are willing to work hard and are reliable smart as fuck women they are passed over for youth and cheaper wages. This gives me the fucking shits. So what do we do? In my case, I am working on my own business so I don’t have to rely on anyone to deem me ‘worthy’ as an employee. We support each other, bounce around ideas, make each other meals, share drinks, who the fuck knows. Anything to support each other so we know we are not alone, so our mental health doesn’t deteriorate into a pile of dog shit. Business owners need to start valuing experience, talent, maturity, work ethic and what we have to offer. I am absolutely not saying that a younger person does not have these qualities but consider us aswell when hiring. That is how we support each other, let’s build each other up. I want to support women rebuilding their lives after relationship breakdowns and as they re-enter the workforce after raising kids. Women should not be punished for these things and that is what it feels like when we are constantly overlooked for jobs we are more than qualified for. Peace I have often heard about how gardening is good for your mental health. I remember a fantastic segment on Gardening Australia where they visited the garden of a woman whose psychologist had recommended gardening as one way to help alleviate her post natal depression. Watch it here. I have always been interested in self-sufficiency, creating a food garden and basically growing as much of our own produce as we could. As well as keeping rescue chickens. I do find that when I am in the garden, working the soil, planting, harvesting etc… it is very calming and my kids love it too. That said, we only have a couple of veggie beds. In an effort to tread lightly and reduce costs, I installed solar panels on my house, we were lucky enough to already have two water tanks on the property and now I plan to develop the garden. We don’t have a huge property, just your average suburban backyard but careful planning should allow for maximum rewards. The thing is, I don’t really know much anything about gardening, I am more of a chuck it in the ground and see what happens kind of woman. All I know is I like the idea of growing food and choosing dinner from what is in the garden. I also have two compost bins and a worm farm I am yet to fully utilise and the chook house needs replacing. If I had my way I would go all out, but for that I’d need a much bigger space, especially for all the goats I long to have. But for now, while the kids are in school and we all need stability we will make do with what we have and where we are. (which is pretty good tbh) One cool thing I have done is enrol in Milkwood’s next Permaculture Living course, which starts Monday. I can’t wait. I hope I learn loads and can implement it all...except for bees… can’t do bees… That aside, I am interested to see how I feel once I start gardening more. Will it help calm my mind, reduce episodes of anxiety and panic? Will I become a gardening addict, Will I finally get rid of the grass for veggie beds? Will I start growing a beard like Costa? We will see. Peace I love and fucking adore my kids. Seriously I cannot imagine life without them. When they go to their dads it pulls my goddamn heart out and I miss them like crazy. The last thing I ever wanted was for them to have divorced parents but sometimes, it is absolutely the right thing to do. My parents stayed together and they, and therefore my brother and I were fucking miserable. My ex and I have mostly worked well sorting out all the parenting stuff. He loves them and is a good dad. But I have them most of the time, that’s usually the way right? Mum has majority care, therefore can’t work as much as she would like and has fuck all super…sigh... I also have no parents therefore no grandparent babysitters. To say my career has been put on hold is a massive understatement. But a dear friend and absolute warrior of a woman said something interesting the other day in a Facebook live she did for her new coaching business Fearless Women. She said she had been hiding behind her kids, or using her kids as an excuse not to show up in her own life. It really hit a nerve with me. Now it is absolutely true that I have major work restrictions, I live 2 hours from our capital city where all the castings happen, I can’t fly off to do a film or do a run in a theatre show as there is no one to look after my kids. My ex lives an hour and a half away so that would make school impossible, and plus he works blah blah blah… However, there are people in similar situations that make things work, there are ways if I was absolutely powering for it all.. Difficult solutions but solutions nonetheless. But I am not choosing them. I don’t want my kids minded by someone else until I get home each night from the theatre at 1am. I want to be able to drop them at school and pick them up rather than stressing to find someone to do either or both for me so I can attend a 5 minute casting 2 hours away. I love being a performer I really do, but I love my kids more. My dear friend I mentioned said to me, it’s just not the right time and in a couple of years they will be older and it will be a little easier. She is right. It sometimes pains me that I am not on stage, doing what I do best but it will come and if not, I think that it will be ok. So I guess I will no longer say I can’t do what I want because of my life responsibilities but rather, I am choosing not too for now as I have other priorities. That gives me my power back. I am an animal lover, a big, mushy, sensitive one. I cry a lot over animals. The poor animals in these fires who have lost their lives is heartbreaking. I am guaranteed to cry if an animal is harmed in a film, TV show, book... it doesn’t matter where, I’ll cry. At the moment we have two cats, one dog and only one poor chicken as the rest have died. But I need to build a better coop before I get anymore rescues. One of my cats was a foster fail. I took in the gorgeous Billy as he was born without eyelids and needed very expensive surgery and care to prevent blindness and ongoing pain. We fostered him for about a year as he went through the surgeries, 3 in total. He quickly became a solid member of our family, so when people started expressing interest in adopting the little ginger, the kids and I couldn’t say goodbye and we formally adopted him. Recently I have been tempted to foster more animals and had my eye on a 3 legged cat called Roland but he was adopted (yay!) and now I have my sights on another kitten named Pirate who has lost an eye, (no patch as yet!) he also needs surgery and fundraising is currently being done through the Urban Cat Alliance. I seem to be drawn to animals who have physical injuries or disabilities and I wonder why that is. Is it because I’ve often felt broken and can relate in some ways or am I overthinking again, very likely. Is it just because these kittens deserve the best in life, as all animals do and the ones who are suffering more completely steal my heart? Maybe it is a mix of both. I believe it is vitally important for children to be raised around animals. My kids adore animals and have such great love for theirs. They share such affection, they love the cuddles, the play, telling their friends about them and they are filled with compassion. They can also learn about death and grieving. They learn that no matter how sad they get: they will be ok. They will miss them but they will recover and always have loads of love to give to other animals. The mental health benefits of spending time with animals alone is worth it. Whether its patting a purring cat as it sleeps on your lap or walking your dog in the fresh air, it all helps. Well it helps me anyway and I can’t count the times I have seen stories about animals being taken into nursing homes to uplift the residents spirits. Beyond Blue says that the bond you share with your pet does a lot to support your mental health. I couldn't agree more. Maybe consider getting yourself a companion if you don't have one already? Animals are healing. They, like you, deserve happy lives and I mean all of them, domestic, wild and farm. They are sentient and worthy. You are worthy. Peace. Since we are at the beginning of a new decade and I have decided to start oversharing about my life, I thought I would do my own decade in review. Although it reads as a bit of misery in parts, there have been beautiful, inspiring moments sprinkled along the way. I’m cheating slightly and starting at the end of 2009.. Gave birth to my beautiful son My Dad died Crippling Post natal Depression Got married Went to Fiji Moved Depression/mania Had a Miscarriage and two D&C’s Moved again Had another child - my amazing daughter First born diagnosed with things that are his business Moved again out of Sydney More depression, more mania Got divorced More mania Starting dating Went to Hawaii Moved again Studied Broke up Bi Polar 2 diagnosis Started treatment Started blogging… In between all of that I taught, I acted, I sung, I wrote, I had fun with my friends and loved the shit out of my kids. It has been a crazy decade. I’m getting older, my body has changed significantly and continues to do so and I continue to practice self care. I LOVE not having to answer to anyone. I have been criticised by some for choosing to focus on my mental health instead of them, but at this stage of my life I have earned the right to do so. My kids need a healthy, happy mumma and most of the time that’s what they get. But I want to do better. I’m looking forward to this decade, I am embracing all my flaws and quirks. I hope you are too! Peace. Well it’s a New Year and what a start. Our country is literally on fire. Lives are being lost, homes and livelihoods are being destroyed. The amount of wildlife killed is incomprehensible. Climate change is kicking our arse and yes we were warned. So what do we do? We donate, volunteer, cheer firies as they pass, prepare our homes the best we can and support each other. My home is literally surrounded by fire but thanks to the bloody amazing work of the RFS, so far we are safe. We are still under threat and our bags are packed but for the moment, we are the fortunate ones. Yesterday I cut up some food for wildlife, bought some medical supplies and donated it all to WIRES as well as making a financial donation. It’s not a lot but every little bit counts. Celeste Barber is killing it with her RFS fundraiser, which was about to hit 45 million the last time I checked and no doubt it will be way past that by the time you read this. Brilliant! Donate here. People aren’t too happy with our PM ScoMo, and his awkward handshakes/assaults aren’t making matters better. But for now, we don’t have time to focus on him. We are trying to save our country, pity he didn’t get the memo. We are getting drizzles of rain, which although glorious to feel, simply impede the back burns the RFS are trying to do to protect us against upcoming severe weather days. We are longing for the day when this will be over. The thing is once these fires are over (for this season anyway) the emotional, psychological toll on people will be huge and ongoing. People are going to need psychological support, from those who lost loved ones, those who lost their homes and livelihoods, to the wildlife volunteers who have seen so much devastation, the brilliant RFS who are experiencing so much stress and trauma and risking their lives for us every single day and everyone else who has lived in a constant state of alert and stress, all of us are going to need ongoing support. Fortunately, Magda Szubanski and Will Connolly (Eggboy) are doing their bit to raise funds for those directly affected by the fires. They have a Go Fund Me set up to provide ongoing mental health support to those most in need. Check it out here. And the animals, god help me, it’s too much. To donate to WIRES Emergency Fund go here. There are loads more places to donate, just watch out for scams. I wish my first post was cheerier but I will say the way Australia is rallying together is fucking brilliant. I am so proud of this country and of my community. Brings me to tears it does.. Peace |
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