When I was a wee lass, both my parents worked full time. I was a latchkey kid through and through. I got myself to and from school, went without lunch at school if I didn’t make it, hung out at home alone until a parent finished work or came home from the pub, and got up to so much trouble because I basically wasn’t parented or supervised. That was the 80s. Bloody hell is it different these days. Now I am a single mum, I have two kids, one of whom is neurodiverse and home-schooling. I don’t remember the last time I had a day off, a day without financial, emotional and physical stress or a day I had family around to help out. Well let’s be honest, I’ve never had that. Both my parents passed before my kids were born. My dad was of the ‘Greatest Generation’ my mother of the ‘Silent Generation’. I’m not exactly sure what that all means but I can say these Pre Boomer parents, their values, their learned parenting was wildly different to the helicopter parenting of today but then again it was a different world then. And no, I’m not THAT old, crikey, I was adopted. I’m not sure which I prefer, I loved so much about growing up when I did. As I age, I sit more in a nostalgic haze, blissfully wishing those days back. I wish my kids had some of that magic. Pre-screens, phones, Tik Tok… I feel that we as parents have to be much more on guard now. Are there more predators or are we just taking more notice now? Is bullying worse or are we just talking about it more now? Are kids suffering more from mental health issues or are we more open about it now? I have my own theories, based on my lived experience but what do you think? It is a heavy burden, parenting these days. Seeing the world cave in on itself, beat itself up over and over. We humans are a stupid bunch. What are we leaving for our kids? Is it selfish to have brought them into this world? Sometimes I think it is. But maybe, I should sit more in hope, hope that these kids will carry the torch and when all the dickheads die, will start fixing this planet up again. Out with the old in with the new. I’m all for it, after all they cannot do any worse than we have been doing. I’m going to find some leg warmers, put on Xanadu and escape for a while now. I suggest you do the same. Peace.
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Children ruined my Career There I said it, they killed it dead in its tracks. I agree wholeheartedly with Lily Allen. In case you missed it, she recently said in an interview, "I never really had a strategy when it comes to career, but yes, my children ruined my career. I love them and they complete me, but in terms of pop-stardom, they totally ruined it.” Now I don’t have Lily Allen’s fame, money, celebrity status or David Harbour as a husband, but I am also a singer, actor, blah blah blah. Or I was until I had my kids. Once they came along, any resemblance of a creative career for me went by the wayside. Having a neurodiverse son was part of it, but let’s face it, when it comes to kids and domestic duties, the majority if not all of the responsibility falls on the woman most of the time. It’s not right, it's not fair, in fact it’s a load of toss but it is how it is. It was and is difficult for me to see the world move on, to see careers take off, or at least maintain a status quo while mine is laying in a ditch by the M4 choking on exhaust fumes, but like Lily Allen, I made a choice. As she said, “Some people choose their career over their children and that’s their prerogative, but my parents were quite absent when I was a kid. I feel that really left some nasty scars that I’m not willing to repeat on mine. I chose stepping back and concentrating on them and I’m glad I’ve done that.” Same here Lily, same here. I did choose to put my kids first and still do, but to be brutally honest, I also don’t have a choice. I have no family to help me and have 100% care of my kids, so when the fuck would I have time to get out there and perform? I could have hired babysitter’s, but my neurodiverse son wouldn’t have coped with that. I could have done it anyway, but as I said, I put them first. I was a latchkey kid, born in the 70s and a teenager in the 80s, there are so many things I love about the 80’s but the absence of parenting was not one of them, there are many things I did, or that I experienced that I wish had not happened, so I chose to do things very differently. Now I don’t think I deserve a medal for doing so, I applaud women who can make strides in their careers (yeah I’m jealous too) and manage a family but that simply wasn’t the case for me. Having a messy brain doesn’t help, I get overwhelmed easily, so trying to juggle too much just means I shut down and sit in paralysis and that sucks. There is only so much I can handle on my own. However, my kids are getting older, (imagine that!) the youngest twelve now, so slowly I will be able to reclaim some time for my creative work and the blessing is, that the bond I have with my kids, the connection, the memories, the love is so bloody strong, I know I am lucky as fuck. So, here’s to women who can ‘have it all’ I don’t know how you do it! I’ll just sit here with my tea thinking Lily Allen and I are friends and that David Harbour has a nice single brother… I signed a petition today, it is urging the Australian Government to put more funding into gynaecological care for women. Specifically, to help diagnose and treat endometriosis. For so long now women’s gynaecological health issues have not been treated with the care and respect they deserve, they are not considered disabilities and certainly not considered intensely painful, severe, and often incredibly debilitating. So, I am glad to see this awareness being spread on a popular news site with links to the petition.
I don’t suffer from endometriosis but I do suffer from adenomyosis. Whereas endo is a disease in which tissue similar to the lining of the uterus grows outside of the uterus, adeno is a disease where the endometrial tissues in the lining of the uterus grows into the muscular wall of the uterus, enlarging it and causing very heavy bleeds. It also can cause pain and fertility problems. I don’t really ever hear anything about adenomyosis and I myself had never heard of it before getting my own diagnosis years back. I cannot speak to the pain of endo because my pain is manageable, the bleeding not so much. I have needed iron infusions, have had anaemia and am constantly battling a low iron count and not to mention the thousands I have spent on sanitary products, despite the GST being removed in 2019. I am tired all the time, anxious as each cycle rolls around and really over it. So much so, in an effort to deal with my adenomyosis, I am headed to hospital this week to have an ablation, an ablation is a procedure where they burn the lining of your uterus to hopefully avoid future periods. I liken it to having a flame thrower delicately placed up your cervix. I tried other methods previously, such as a Mirena, but it didn’t stop the bleeding and I can’t take the pill due to my age, so off to hospital I go. Fingers crossed it works! I really wish the shame around women’s gynaecology would piss off. I remember hiding tampons and pads up my sleeve at school, or when out so no one would know I had my period. I think I still do that to some extent. It’s bollocks, it’s normal and natural and there should be no shame. I remember bleeding all over my school uniform and being laughed at because it was shameful. I remember when I got my first period, I rang my friend and she handed me a pack of pads through my bedroom window because I was too scared to tell my parents, how mad is that! But in my defense, they had never talked to me about periods, so I was clueless. Let’s talk about it, let’s farewell the shame, let’s take women’s health seriously. Let’s have free sanitary products in all schools and public toilets. Period poverty is also a real issue, women are struggling to afford to buy sanitary products and necessary pain relief. So come on Government, pony up with some extra dosh for women and their Vah-jay-jay’s and while you’re at it, be like Scotland and make period products free for those who need them! Let’s end period poverty. #periods #menstruation # noshame #tampons # endometriosis #adenomyosis #periodpoverty #genx #80s |
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